My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
