Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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