A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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