you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
