Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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