I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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