just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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