Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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