I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
