my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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