Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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