non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
