Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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