onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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