I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the day after is always just damage control
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
