her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Panties = found
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
