Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
