just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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