All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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