billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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