That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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