i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
