Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
zippers are such a cool invention
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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