Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
