her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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