i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was CRYING into my vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
