Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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