The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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