I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize