Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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