So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
