the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
