Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
