Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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