He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize