it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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