Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I faked an abortion last night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
