What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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