just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
