yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
