feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
