Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
