I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
