I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
