My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
