guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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