so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
