hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
