Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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