he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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