dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
