I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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