like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
