i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
