umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
