Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
