god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
