yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
