I need help removing her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
