But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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