Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
