we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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