im about as happy as oj after his trial
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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