Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
