We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
