We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
