So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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