The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
