he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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