question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
