just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
